in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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