I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
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