I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
