Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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