I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I skipped work to stalk him.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
