I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
