i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
