Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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