Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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