So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I think a kid would responsible me up
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
