Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
