so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
