I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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