Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
