bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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