I wanna passion pit in your ass
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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