Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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