i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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