U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
