A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So much rum. So many feels.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
