Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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