he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
