im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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