wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
