Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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