Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
