the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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