Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
