So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So much Jack, so little girl.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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