just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
is it fun? or sober?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
