i wish there were pregnant emoticons
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
