We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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