I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
