Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
