we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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