Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
