i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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