His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
