I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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