I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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