I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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