The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
