why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
