Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
