areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
