I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
