Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
