so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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