Pregnant stripper...not hot.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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