How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
