I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
