Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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