Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
