the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
