Someone shit on the floor
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
