I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
