Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
