I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
