he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
